


A Complete Dick

by A Big Sexy Jellyfish (abigsexyjellyfish)



Category: Cable and Deadpool
Genre: Crack, Kink Meme, M/M, PWP, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-11
Updated: 2009-05-11
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:53:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigsexyjellyfish/pseuds/A%20Big%20Sexy%20Jellyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently this was the sort of fic where the hot pizza delivery guy got jumped by the horny MILF within minutes upon arrival.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Complete Dick

"Okay, before we do this; sex-pollen is so last Thursday's plot device. Not that I'm saying there's ever a bad way to get to the porn, because there just isn't, but, you know. It just kinda looks like the writers think I couldn't score with you if you're not drugged out of your mind or something, which isn't exactly good for a guy's ego.

"Well, it's mostly a matter of principle anyway, you see; under normal circumstances I wouldn't even want to have sex with you, not that I want to now or anything, because I don't. But I'm secure enough in my heterosexuality to lend a friend in need a helping hand, if you catch my drift, and there's nothing gay about that, is there?"

"Wade," moaned Nate, managing to sound more exasperated than anything, even though he was nearly desperate with involuntary arousal at this point.

Wade rolled his eyes and unceremoniously dropped to his knees between his friend's splayed legs. "Ah, right, I get it. 'Get on with it,' eh?"

Nate was looking down at him with an expression that just screamed he was having second thoughts about letting Wade anywhere near his dick, never mind the circumstances.

Now, that was just rude. Helloo? Sex! Free sex, even. What kind of guy would say no to that, especially when his life depended on it? Nate was so lame. (Wait, did his life depend on it? Wade hadn't bothered to check which kind of sex-pollen they were dealing with here. Not that it seemed to matter much; apparently this was the sort of fic where the hot pizza delivery guy got jumped by the horny MILF within minutes upon arrival. Man, Nate made such a great MILF.)

However, before Nate could voice any of the protests he may-or-may-not have had, Wade – determined to prove that he totally knew his way around a dick, even if it wasn't his own (Not in a gay way!) – had pulled down his pants and underwear in one smooth move.

Go figure. Turns out that smug bastard actually had something to be smug about.

Nate really was… surprisingly well-proportioned. Okay, maybe not so surprisingly, spandex never left much to the imagination after all, but Wade had always sort of assumed that some people, who weren't him, were totally putting socks down their pants to impress the ladies, who in turn stored whole boxes of tissues and, in some cases, possibly their lunch-boxes in their bras.

Apparently Nate wasn't one of them. His cock was long and thick, the TO just barely brushing the base on one side, which shouldn't have been hot but somehow totally was anyway.

Wade was sort relieved to see that he was mostly made of flesh down there, because while he could appreciate the look and feel of the TO, finding an actual Full Metal Penis™ would've totally sucked for what he was going to do next. And whoa, that was some mighty unfortunate wording right there.

He hadn't thought about doing this before. Not often. Okay, not recently. Whatever. And honestly, at first he had only wanted to give Nate a hand-job or something, but now that he was face-to-crotch with mutant-Jesus it sort of seemed a bit like a 'now or never' kind of situation.

And hey, no one could accuse him of not being spontaneous.

Wade resolutely pulled his mask up to the bridge of his nose and licked his lips futilely; his mouth, being all unhelpful, had gone a bit dry.

Wrapping a hand around the base of Nate's cock, Wade leaned forward and just went for it, almost tentatively licking at the taunt skin before taking the head into his mouth. Above him Nate gasped in surprise, and as Wade started to suck and bob his head a little there was another deep, broken groan.

Giving head was surprisingly fun, if only because it was nice to have Nathan-Priscilla-Whatshisname-Summers utterly at his mercy for once.

Except that son of a bitch was still holding back! There was a trembling in his thighs and some almost-jerks of his hips that made it clear that he was just barely keeping himself from thrusting into Wade's mouth like he so obviously wanted to.

Jeez. Again with the lame. As if Wade couldn't take it, really.

To prove that he so totally could, Wade pulled back a little, licked him once from root to tip and then just swallowed him down, almost, but not quite, gagging in the process.

Okay, that was… really uncomfortable, actually. Maybe he should've started practising on a smaller model, but then again; there'd never been anyone besides Nate that he'd actually wanted to do this to, not for much longer than a passing thought, anyway.

Nate, however, had taken the hint and was no longer holding back. He'd put his human hand on the back of Wade's head while he fucked his mouth.

Uncomfortable, yeah, but also really fucking hot.

Wade pushed a hand into his own pants and began to stroke himself in time with Nate's thrusts, which were getting shallower and even less controlled, which Wade took as a sign to pull off and finish the job with his hand.

Nate came with another guttural groan, his dick pulsing in Wade's grasp and shooting hot, sticky fluid all over his face, even getting some of it on his still pushed-up mask.

Ohh, gross. He was so gonna send Nate the dry-cleaning bill.

Anyway, there was time for that later, now there was still an orgasm to be had. Resting his head on Nate's thigh, using his now free hand he finally pushed his pants out of the way and began to jerk himself off in earnest.

Nate, who by now had managed to get himself back under control a little, was suddenly cupping Wade's jaw and using his thumb to wipe his own semen from Wade's not-swollen lips in a gesture that was way too fucking girly for words, but that still somehow ended up sending Wade over the edge.

For a moment they just sat there afterwards, catching their breath. For once, even Wade didn't quite know what to say.

After a while Nate sighed. "Wade?"

"Mhh?"

"They call it lending someone a hand for a reason, but I appreciate the extra effort."


End file.
